Archive for June 20th, 2016

(No new sermon this week.)

A recent commenter brought up a familiar question in Christian circles; “Why did God take the person I love away from me?” My reply came out well enough that I decided to turn it into a post. Here goes:

Almost without exception, people that are in your life are NOT there because God brought them to you; we are not puppets, and God is not a puppetmaster arranging everything for us. We all have free will, and people are in our lives because we have used our free will to be with each other. When we really love someone, and especially if we really NEED someone, it’s natural, and greatly comforting, to believe that they are God-given, that the relationship was arranged by God or has a special blessing from God, that it’s a soul-mate relationship not like other relationships, and therefore you have God’s assurance that it will never end… but that is very rarely the case.

Of course, everyone believes that THEIR relationship is the exception, although by definition virtually none of them are; the proof of the pudding, as my mother would’ve said, is that if the relationship ENDS, it was NOT arranged by God for you to be with that person forever… PERIOD. There are certain occasions where God brings someone into our lives to teach us something, help us get through a certain difficult season, toughen us up, grow us up, or increase our faith; this sort of person leaves because God never intended for them to be with you long-term. If you’re one of the fortunate few that God DOES bring a “forever person” into your life, your proof of that will be that you will in fact be together forever.

Does God help us with our relationships? Certainly. If you pray for courage, strength, wisdom, patience, etc, to deal with your relationship, God will give you those things, and other kinds of guidance as well, which you’ll see if you’re paying attention. If the still small voice is telling you to do something in your relationship, and you ignore it because you want your relationship to be easy and feel good all the time, don’t turn around and complain later that God didn’t help you; He didn’t mess things up, YOU did.

No matter how much you want someone, or how hard you try, relationships still end more often than not. God does not, for the most part, decide whether or not relationships work out; although He will certainly sometimes remove someone from your life if they’re bad for you, for the most part we use our free will to decide whether or not we want to continue in relationships. If somebody left you, it’s because they used their free will to leave you, not because God took them away.

Yes, it hurts worse than anything when someone you love and want leaves you, but that’s no excuse to start blaming God. Even though the only thing you want in the whole universe is to have that person back, you need to get practical about it; if somebody LEAVES you, that means that they don’t WANT you… and why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? You must know that it does NOT represent God’s best plan for your life for you to be with someone who doesn’t want you. Focus on finding a high-quality person who DOES want you; ask God to help you find that person, and He will… although not necessarily as soon as you would like, and not necessarily with the spectacular good looks that you probably think you need to have in your partner in order to be happy.

Love is not a perfect thing. You can love people who do not love you back, some of whom will fake loving you because you have something they want for the time being. You can love people who, when they get to know you better, stop loving you. You can love people who will eventually grow tired of you, no matter how great they objectively agree that you are. You can love people who are simply not emotionally capable of having a long-term relationship, and so will leave even if they still love you. And on and on.

When a situation like this occurs in your life, you have to learn from it, get over it as quickly as possible, and move on; stop dwelling and agonizing over it, looking for some hidden truth. There isn’t any. They didn’t want to be with you, so they left. This is just basic human nature and free will in action; stop blaming God. Find someone who DOES want to be with you, and build a relationship with that person. Look for someone who is a good Christian and loves God as much as you do; that’s the best possible basis for a relationship. And remember; someone who wants you to give them all the benefits of marriage, but won’t commit to marrying you, is not the right person for you!!

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