Archive for December, 2012

Swords 3 days in a row

I’m really getting hit with swords recently, but I don’t know what, if anything, it signifies.  When I asked God what the sword meant, He showed me on 9-9, the day after I asked, that it is His word:

Ephesians 6:17 (NIV)

17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

(This is from the post “The sword is His word!!!!!”)

I was obviously 100% right that all the sword references meant something, but now that I know WHAT I don’t know what further references mean…  but I’d sure feel stupid if it later looked like they might mean something and I hadn’t recorded them, so:

On 12-17, the search term “what does it mean made offer on swords” led to “So, what DOES the sword mean?” 9-8.

On 12-18, the search term “swordinavisionwhatdoesitmean” led to “God gives a blessing I didn’t even ask for” from 11-15.

On 12-19, the search term “a book called the angels sword” led to “Sword of Angels” 10-16.

And on an unrelated note:  on 12-20, the search term “great new quotes” led to the rarely-visited “Some great new quotes” from 9-24.  What’s amazing is that this PageRank 1 blog was the 5th out of 710,000,000 results.  I re-read the post, and, although all its quotes were, as advertised, great, this is the one that’s wildly applicable to me currently:

Hebrews 10:35-36 (NLT)

35 So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.

Soon.  Very soon.

Read Full Post »

In my post “JP proves that we shouldn’t fear God” on 12-18, I said:

“I checked my Feedjit log and saw that I’d just gotten today’s 2nd hit to a post that’s had a massive resurgence lately, the last JO sermon before the EMF dropped the bomb, “God’s destiny for your life will come to pass” from 5-20, with the search term…  “the people who come into your life is a destiny or purpose.”  !!!!!!!!!!!”

I almost added that the visitor was from Turkey (Istanbul, Windows 7, Chrome), and had in fact entered via “Turkish Google,” as it’s unusual to get a visit from someone from a 99% Muslim country, and very unusual to get a hit from a country-specific version of Google (or maybe WordPress just rarely notices), but I didn’t, because…  well, it seemed trivial in the bigger scheme of things.

Then, today, I got a hit with this hair-raising search term:

“t contact the emf out of the blue and with no pressing reason?  or, is just such a reason about to arrive?  my other quote widget had this to say:”

!!!!!!!!  This hit was also from Turkey (Diyarbakir, Windows XP, Chrome);  I looked up the name of the city, and Wikipedia says, “The name of the city is inscribed as Amid on the sheath of a sword from the Assyrian period.”  A stealth sword reference!!  Anyways:  The search term text is an exact quote from “Freaky search terms” from 8-2.  Before I forget, here’s the quote from the widget, which it’d bug me to not have here:

“A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves: This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!  — Thomas A. Kempis”

Ok, so:  Why would ANYONE try to get back to that post?  Even weirder:  To have that quote they’d have had to have copied some portion of the post… but WHY?  There’s NOTHING of special value in that post, it’s just a couple of large search terms (neither visitor was from Turkey), a couple of quotes, and a few lines of my analysis…  why would anyone save THAT?!!  Heck, *I* wouldn’t even bother to save that post if I suddenly had limited space and could only save the best stuff.  And why use that particular line to try to re-find the post, or re-find the blog?  What possible scenario can you construct that would logically lead someone from Turkey, or anywhere, having, using that chunk of text to come back here… or to even HAVE it…?!!!

And, perhaps most importantly, of course, is the reference to the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF).  This would have been the first time I mentioned contacting him.  Will it turn out that I SHOULD have contacted him then, that he was wanting me to?  It wouldn’t surprise me.  Is it a coincidence that I delayed an already horrifically late bedtime last night to make the first draft of what will be my first attempt at actual correspondence with him since he threw me away almost 7 months ago?  I doubt it.  Contact.  New beginning.  I’ve got CHILLS.

Getting that hit made me look back at the previous hit from Turkey.  As I was wondering whether it was meaningful, and thus should be added to the report of the wild search term, a hit came in to…  “God’s destiny for your life will come to pass.”  And just now, as I double-checked to be sure about THAT hit, I saw that there’d been a 2nd, consecutive hit  to the same post, and as I watched a THIRD consecutive one rolled in, from the same person as the 2nd one.  So…  yes, connected, meaningful, somehow.

Is there any chance I’m supposed to contact the EMF NOW?  It’s possible…  but a premature contact could be a disaster.  It seems like waiting until after the New Year, when he has fully experienced being excluded from the holiday events and will be most receptive to the idea of fixing what he destroyed, would be optimal…  and if there’s something making him want to talk to me NOW, it’ll still be influencing him in a couple of weeks, I’d assume.  Of course, a reason to call him COULD be about to arrive;  wouldn’t THAT be insane?  Regardless, I know that God will guide me to making this work at the optimal time…  which I’m hoping will be in a little over 2 weeks.  I’ve got to work harder at focusing on positive visions of what might happen when the EMF and I reunite;  God has made it clear that that’s crucial.  I’m waiting with expectancy for explosive blessings to come…  SOON


Read Full Post »

I’ve always found the idea of FEARING God, whose entire nature is love, utterly horrifying;  JO and JP have both expressed the same idea many times.  JP revealed in a sermon I saw today that he has been questioned, it sounded more like attacked, about this claim, because in the Bible it says in various places to FEAR God.  His reply is that we should listen to what Jesus says on the matter, as the highest possible authority.  Brace yourselves, this is brilliant:

Deuteronomy 6:13 (KJV)

13 Thou shalt fear the Lord thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name.

Matthew 4:8-10 (KJV)

Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.

10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

It wasn’t possible for Jesus to be in error, either in quoting scripture properly or about the nature of God, so his use of “worship” rather than “fear” is overwhelmingly meaningful;  he was telling Satan, and US, that we are to worship God, NOT to fear him.  And lest you think that this connection is a coincidental similarity of words that JP misused, here’s the NIV version with its footnote:

Matthew 4:8-10 (NIV)

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’[a]


  1. Matthew 4:10 Deut. 6:13

God is NOT looking for thing to punish us for, He does NOT do us harm;  despite His infinite power, there is absolutely no reason to fear Him.  Fear makes you hang back, keep secrets, even hide away;  what He wants is for us to step fully into His arms and include Him in our every moment.  The rewards of doing so mare enormous;  try it and see!!

In other news:

I’ve started 12-18 with FOUR hits to “Waiting with expectancy” from 6-18;  neither Feedjit nor Sitemeter saw them, there was no referral, search term, or indication that a search engine was involved (Edit:  it ended up being 6 hits, all unidentifiable).  And there were 4 hits to it the previous day, only 2 of which are accounted for.  And back-to back 6-hit days on 12-11 and 2-12…  to a post that has had steady but light visitation since its original heyday in late June and throughout July…  it makes me feel like I’m getting close to what I’ve been expecting for the past 7 months, the return of the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF).

And speaking of him…  something occurred to me today.  As recorded in “A VERY CLEAR message to forgive the EMF via Google” of 10-10:

“Today I got a hit during the 3 hour period of “extreme grace” described above (between going to bed and getting the email, specifically)  via the following search term:  “trying to under stand what did jesus mean when he said father for givehemf”

Obviously this was someone wanting to know about this passage:

Luke 23:34 (KJV)

34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do

Google analyzed the search term and produced this:

“Showing results for trying to understand what did jesus mean when he said father forgive emf
No results found for trying to under stand what did jesus mean when he said father for givehemf ”

forgive emf”  !!!!!!!

Is there any universe in which this is anything other than either a request, or even an order, to forgive the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF)?”

There are an infinite # of possible search terms where the searcher could mean to say “forgive them” or “forgive him” and come up with the misspelling that Google analyzed so amazingly, right?  So…  is there a reason that this specific verse was used?
I just had the urge to check the abovementioned post, as I suddenly realized I couldn’t remember what post that search term led to…  and then it got weird.  The post never SAYS what that search term led to, although I’m usually VERY thorough in my documentation!!  Thank God I took screen caps!!  There were actually TWO hits from that term, ANOTHER thing I didn’t even notice at the time;  one of  them went to “A few minor ones” from 9-10, which contains a sword reference, a couple of olive ones, a bunch of forgiveness ones, and reports a hit to my other blog from a directory whose RSS readout was frozen on one of 3 out of over 1000 posts that mentions the EMF.  The other hit led to the front page.  How in over 2 MONTHS did I never realize that I didn’t record what posts the hits went to, or even that there WERE 2 hits?  God can keep us from noticing things…  and then suddenly make us SEE.
As I was trying to figure out exactly WHAT He wants me to see, I checked my Feedjit log and saw that I’d just gotten today’s 2nd hit to a post that’s had a massive resurgence lately, the last JO sermon before the EMF dropped the bomb, “God’s destiny for your life will come to pass” from 5-20, with the search term…  “the people who come into your life is a destiny or purpose.”  !!!!!!!!!!!
OK, lemme go back a point or 2 here…  God proved that I DID miss something, or rather TWO somethings, about “A VERY CLEAR message to forgive the EMF via Google,”  just as I was ASKING if I was missing a point, so that tells me that, yes, I DID miss another point, that there IS a reason that that specific Bible verse was used to get me a “forgiveness quote” for Google to turn into a message…  it’s as I thought earlier in the day, that this was to indicate that the EMF didn’t know what he was doing, that he didn’t intend to hurt me and throw me and our relationship away.
I’ll be emailing him after the first of the year.  This time he WILL email me back.  He WILL return.  My flourishing finish is almost here.  Stay tuned.

Read Full Post »

from JO’s sermon tonight:

we live in a society where mediocrity is the norm;  many people do as little as they can to get by.  they don’t take pride in their work, in who they are.  if somebody is watching they’ll perform one way, but when nobody is watching, they’ll cut corners and take the easy way out.  if we’re not careful, we’ll get pulled into this same mentality, thinkin’ that it’s ok to show up late to work, not look our best, not give it our all, but God doesn’t bless mediocrity, God blesses excellence.  when you have an excellent spirit, you do the right thing whether anyone is watching or not;  you go the extra mile, you do more than you have to.  other people may complain, go out lookin’ sloppy, cutting corners, but don’t sink down to that level;  “everybody’s doin’ it, everybody slacks off when the boss is gone at my company, everybody compromises at my school, everybody doesn’t take care of their yards in my neighborhood,” no, you’re not everybody, you’re a cut above, you are called to be excellent, God wants you to set the highest standard.  you should be the example your company uses as the model employee;  your boss should be able to say to the new hires, “watch this person, develop their skills, learn their habits, they are the cream of the crop.  they’re always on time, they always have a good attitude, they do more than they have to.”

when you have an excellent spirit like that, you’re not only going to see promotion, but you are honoring God.  a lot of times we think, “lemme go to church to honor God.  lemme read my Bible and pray to honor God,” and yes, that’s true, but it honors God to get to work on time, to be productive each day, to go out looking your best.  when you are excellent, your life is giving praise to God;  that’s one of the best witnesses we could ever have, because some people will never come to church, they’ll never listen to a minister, they’re not reading their Bible, they’re reading your life, watchin’ how you live.  don’t be sloppy.  when you leave the house, whether you’re wearin’ a suit or a pair of shorts, make sure you look the best that you possibly can;  you are representing almighty God.  when you have a spirit of excellence, you do more than you have to.  you don’t just do the minimum amount required, you go the extra mile.  this phrase comes from the scripture;  Jesus said:

Matthew 5:41 (NIV)

41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.

back in those days, a Roman soldier, when they were traveling through the city, they could require by law a person to carry their armor for one mile;  after that mile, they would have to find somebody else.  Jesus said, “if they ask you to carry it for a mile, go beyond the call of duty, do more than is expected;  carry it 2 miles.”  that’s the attitude we should have, not, “I’m gonna go to work and do as little as I can to try to keep this job, no, I’m a person of excellence, I’m gonna go beyond the call of duty, do more than is expected of me.”  that means, if you’re supposed to be at work at 8:00, you show up 10 minutes early;  you do more than you have to.  you don’t start shutting down 30 minutes before the day is over, no, you go the extra mile.  some people go to work 15 minutes late, walk around the office, get a cup of coffee, get to their desk about 8:30, spend the next half hour surfin’ the internet, makin’ personal phone calls.  they wonder why they don’t get promoted.  here’s why;  God doesn’t reward sloppiness, God rewards excellence.

Genesis 24 (NIV)

24 Abraham was now very old…He said to the senior servant… I want you to swear by the Lord…  go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac… 10 Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels…11 He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town… 12 Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham… 13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac…15 Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder… She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

17 The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”

18 “Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.

19 After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.” 20 So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels.

Abraham told his assistant that the way you know you will find the right girl is…  (Abraham didn’t say it, see the verse quoted above;  the concept remains valid whoever said it).  a camel, after a long day’s walk, can drink 30 gallons of water.  this man had 10 camels with him.  if she had a 1-gallon bucket, she was offering to dip the it 300 times (um, probably not, no woman has that kind of strength, but the concept, again, is valid).  that’s goin’ way beyond the call of duty.  she is chosen to marry Isaac, who comes from the wealthiest family of that day.  God rewards excellence.  when you do more than what’s required of you, you’ll see God’s goodness in a new way.

you say, “I’m declarin’ God’s favor, promotion and increase is coming”;  that’s one part of it, but the 2nd part is, are you getting to work on time, doing more than you have to, better this year than you were last year?  your company shouldn’t get along nearly as well without you.  you should be so skilled, productive, valuable, needed, they can’t afford to lose you.  we live in a very competitive marketplace.  if you’re not growing, improving, learning new skills, you’re fallin’ behind.  if you’re at the same skill level today that you were 5 years ago, you’re at a disadvantage.  you need to take steps to grow;  whatever you do, get better at it.  take classes, find a mentor, study ways that you can be more productive, efficient.  don’t get stagnant;  an excellent person keeps growing.

there’s always room for improvement;  we can always get better.  when you’re a person of excellence, you don’t get stagnant;  you’re always takin’ steps to improve, lookin’ for ways that you can be better.  favor and excellence go hand in hand;  increase, promotion, reaching your highest potential, it is all tied to a spirit of excellence.  some people are driving a car that hasn’t been washed in 6 months;  if you don’t take care of what God’s given you, how can God bless you with more?   whether you have a lot or a little, whether it’s new or old, take pride in what God has given you.  when you have a spirit of excellence, it’s ingrained in you.  this building represents almighty God, we do our best to take care of it in a first-class way.  we represent God, and God is not sloppy, run-down, 2nd-class;  He is an excellent God.  that doesn’t mean that you have to have the best to represent God, it simply means whatever God has given you, take care of it the best you possibly can.  do what you can to represent God in an excellent way.

when our children were younger, we used to take them to Disneyland;  that place is always spotless.  take this to your own life:  your house, car, clothes, cubicle, office;  I’m not asking you to spend a lot of $, it’s all in how you choose to take care of what God has given you.  do it with excellence, knowing that you represent almighty God.  you may be in a situation where everybody around you is a little lazy, indifferent, undisciplined;  don’t let that rub off on you.  you be the one to have an excellent spirit, stand out in the crowd.  what kind of witness is it to our friends, neighbors, coworkers, if our yard is sloppy, our car is never washed, we’re always running late everywhere we go;  that’s not a good representation, not who you really are.  God made you as a person of excellence; maybe all you’ve seen modeled is mediocrity, but God is callin’ you to a higher standard.  He’s gonna take you places you’ve never dreamed of, but you’ve gotta do your part and stir up the excellence that’s on the inside.  don’t make excuses, come up to a higher level of excellence.

even in our personal appearance, how we dress, present ourselves, there are all different styles, we have different taste, one is not right and the other is wrong, you may not like to wear a suit, that’s fine, the main thing is make sure you present yourself in a way that you’re proud of.  don’t leave the house feelin’ sloppy, less than your best,  knowin’ that you didn’t take time to look as good as you could have.  you are a temple of the most high God;  God lives in you, take time to take care of yourself.  some of you ladies, you’re very good at taking care of others, you put the children first, you’re a great wife, you’re runnin’ the household, but you need to start takin’ time to take care of yourself.  go get your nails done, get your hair done;  it’s scriptural to take care yourself in an excellent way.  some of you men haven’t bought yourself any new clothes in 27 years.  you’re an excellent worker, a great provider for your family;  make sure you take care of yourself.  we represent almighty God, and God does not like sloppiness.  even around the house, of course we all like to be super-casual, but make sure you still look good for your children, spouse. ladies, get your husband’s credit card, go up to the mall, find something that makes you look like the masterpiece God made you to be;  now you men can thank me later.

when you’re at the store shoppin’ and something accidentally falls off the rack, don’t act like you don’t see it and just leave it there;  a person of excellence picks it up and puts it back.  when you’re shoppin’ for groceries and you decide you don’t want the cereal anymore, don’t just stick it over by the detergents;  a person of excellence takes it where it belongs.  somebody that has a spirit of excellence doesn’t park in the handicapped spot because they don’t feel like walkin’. when you have this spirit of excellence, you do the right thing, not because s0mebody’s watching you, not because they’re makin’ you do it;  you do it to honor God.  a person of excellence does the right thing even when nobody’s watching, even when you don’t agree, even when you don’t think it’s necessary.  sometimes you have to say, “God, I don’t feel like doin’ this, but I’m gonna do it unto you.  God, what my boss is askin’ me to do is not right, but I’m gonna do it unto you.  God, I didn’t make the mess, I shouldn’t have to clean it up, but I’m gonna do it unto you.”  some people are not seein’ God’s favor like they should because they’re not passing the small test;  bein’ more excellent may not be some huge adjustment you need to make, it may just be somethin’ small, like getting to work 10 minutes earlier, not complaining when you have to clean up, doin’ the right thing even though you don’t feel like it.

Song of Solomon 2:15 (KJB)

Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines

I don’t want somethin’ small to keep God from releasin’ somethin’ big into my life.  are there areas where you know God’s dealin’ with you about comin’ up higher?  any time God asks you to do something, if you will obey, a reward will follow.  whether you realize it or not, people are watching you.  even in small areas, make sure you’re representing God in a great way.  In the book  of Daniel it says:

Daniel 6:3 (ESV)

Then this Daniel became distinguished above all the other high officials and satraps, because an excellent spirit was in him. 

as a teenager, he was brought to Babylon; the king was training all these young men, and the best ones would become the next leaders.  Daniel had made a vow to God that he would always honor Him.  the Babylonians were worshipping idols;  Daniel was respectful, but he wouldn’t eat the king’s fancy food, he didn’t just follow along and do what everyone else was doing.  he made more excellent choices.

Daniel 6:3 (NIV)

Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom.

it doesn’t say that God distinguished Daniel, and he got promoted, it says he distinguished himself.  the Message translation says:

Daniel 6:3 (MSG)

… Daniel, brimming with spirit and intelligence, so completely outclassed the other…

that’s what happens when, #1, you honor God with your life, and #2, you have a spirit of excellence.  you don’t compromise, you don’t just go with the flow, do what everybody else is doin';  like Daniel, you make the more excellent decisions.  when you have an excellent spirit, God will give you unprecedented favor, creativity, ideas, that will cause you to stand out.  you will outclass, in humility, those around you that are not honoring God.  are you distinguishing yourself, going the extra mile, doin’ more than you have to, makin’ the more excellent choices?  God is always dealing with us about some area to come up higher in;  maybe it’s to be more excellent in how you treat people, present yourself, in your career, improving your skills.  don’t let somethin’ small keep God from releasing something big into your life. you are called to be a cut above.  you have excellence on the inside;  now stir it up and bring it to the outside.  God is going to give you more wisdom, ideas, strength, creativity;  you’re going to outclass, outperform, outshine. God is going to promote you, put you in a place of honor, and you will fulfill your God-given destiny.

Read Full Post »

On 12-12, I got a rare visit to “So, what DOES the sword mean?” from  9-8, with the search term “what dose a dream of swords in the mouth mean”;  I almost posted about it, but didn’t, thinking I should be easing off of compulsively tracking sword references, because it wasn’t really adding anything…  but then on 12-13 I got an equally rare hit to “Sword of Angels” from 10-16.  OK, so, now I’m posting, lol.  The thing about the search term for the first hit that’s unusual is the mention of the mouth;  that’s not a word or image one typically associates with swords.  BUT, it has special relevance to ME because of what God showed me when I asked Him what the sword, which I’d had a steady stream of references to, meant:

“Yesterday’s post, “So, what DOES the sword mean?,” was an attempt to collect all the sword references I’d had and figure out what the sword meant;  I failed.  And having failed, I asked God to tell me what it meant.

And today He told me!!

JO says that once you’ve done what you can, God will do what you can’t.  It’s the simple truth.  Here’s the story:

The random Bible generator had given me the following:

Ephesians 6:13 (NIV)

13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

The mention of armor excited me because it seemed entirely possible that a sword reference would be close by.  I looked up the surrounding lines;  no sword.  I had the urge to look up more lines, so I broadened the search again…  but it’s late and I’m tired and I didn’t see it.  I then had the “inexplicable urge” to do a Find for “sword” on the results page…  and there it was:

Ephesians 6:17 (NIV)

17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

(From the post “The sword is His word!!!!!” from 9-9.)

And where does the word come from?  The mouth.  Verrrrrrrrrry interesting.  Methinks there may be even more about the sword to come.

I was gathering up a batch of Bible verses for my collection, when one of them stopped me in my tracks:

Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Given that I’ve been fighting bouts of anxiety about what will happen when I email the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF) in January, since, although God has promised me that he and I will be together for the long-term, He doesn’t give a time frame, and so I don’t know when that term will begin, or what I might have to endure before I get there (which isn’t a complaint, I’m just saying), the idea of not being anxious, and God’s peace guarding my heart, sure sounds good.

Whatever God has planned is by definition right, and I’ll gladly do whatever is necessary to get the result He’s promised me… but it IS a little scary not knowing what kind of reception to expect from the EMF.  God will get me through it, however…  to the flourishing finish that I know is waiting for me.

Read Full Post »

I was rambling on to God today, and started in on what was going to happen after the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF) comes back and we have to deal with the situation with him and the “heroic protector friend,” who despises him and thinks he’s a predator, a con man, all sorts of awful things;  she has banned him from her home for life and excluded him from all events under her control wherever they occur.  I asked something like would I need to fix that situation, and got a chill.  I asked again, if I’ll need to fix things between the 2 of them;  bigger chill.  I ventured a 3rd time, if it’ll be up to ME to…  BIG chill, BIG goosebumps on my arms.  That’s a clear yes.

I don’t know HOW I’ll manage this, but it’s clearly God’s will, so I’ll figure it out.  I know that the first step is to not badmouth him to her anymore…  and I’m trying to stop doing it with my roommate, too, so that the negativity around the EMF can fade away.  I’ve thought of things he can do with me that she’ll approve of, such as studying scripture and baking.  I have faith that God will help me figure the rest out.  The crucial thing is that for this to be an issue, the EMF will have to be BACK.

And about that:  I was talking to God about the email I intend to send the EMF after the first of the year.  I said, “I’m sure he’ll write back, but I was sure he’d reply to the previous 2 messages, too…” and got chills.  Was that God telling me that the EMF WILL reply this time, or just giving me a rush of His presence to reassure me that He’s on top of it?  We’ll know in a few weeks.

I had my 4th day with over 70 hits in the last 3 weeks;  not bad for a blog that before this April had never even gotten 70 hits in a MONTH.  I’ve never done ANY blog promotion…  so guess Who I have to thank?

And finally, I found this cool image that I wanted to share;  it’d make a neat t-shirt:

cross red arrowsI wish it was bigger, but the concept is slick at any size.  It’s the kind of thing that EMF might like;  I’ll be showing him soon.  SOON.

Read Full Post »

I’ve agonized for 6.5 months about why, after the Eastern Mystical Friend (EMF) went nuts on me and threw our relationship out, he never, after calming down and realizing the destruction he’d wrought with the one person who actually cares about him, contacted me to try to make things right, and, even worse, why he did not respond to either my b-day message or my message of forgiveness.

I woke up from a very sound sleep today with the TV still on;  it was a show where they look for people’s long-lost loved ones.  There was a woman with a name sort of like mine who was looking for her father, who had left the family almost 30 years before and never contacted them again.  She had tried to find him before, and had acquired a list of every man in America with his same name, and sent every one of them a letter trying to be reunited with her dad…  not accusing him, but trying with love and hope to bring him back.

The searcher found her dad, who seemed very sweet.  He revealed that he had left the family because of some unspecified trouble, but that he had always loved his daughter very much and missed her…  AND, he had gotten her letter, but not felt able to reply.  And WHY did this man feel unable, not only to return to his beloved daughter on his own, but even to reply with so much as a postcard when he got her letter, so that he’d lost nearly 30 years with her.  WHY?  Because…  he was embarrassed and ashamed!!  He lost the 2nd half of his daughter’s childhood, and her adulthood almost until middle age, although they both loved and missed each other, because he couldn’t overcome being EMBARRASSED?!  Shame is of course worse than embarrassment, but how many DECADES would a parent normally give up of being with their child for THAT, especially after getting a LETTER as this man did?!!

When I asked my roommate if he thought the EMF’s failure to contact me, even after receiving messages, could be connected to this concept, he said, “Absolutely.”  And of course my “heroic protector friend,” who had also thrown me out, and in a cold-bloodedly ugly way, about 17 years ago, did the same thing;  realized what she had done, couldn’t bring herself to act to undo it, couldn’t even contact me when I left messages for her.

So…  that sure feels like that’s the reason for the EMF’s behavior.

As a bonus, after MANY weeks of failing to stop imagining negative conversations with, or rather rants at, the EMF… suddenly today (12-11), ALL DAY, I managed to do it.  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There’s ZERO doubt as to how THAT happened;  God decided that I’d flailed and floundered long enough, and made some adjustment to my brain that made it work.  I’m VERY grateful; I do NOT like feeling like I’m letting Him down!!

Would He even CARE what I fantasized about the EMF if He wasn’t planning to bring us back together…  and SOON?  No.  My faith, as always, is 100% justified, because He NEVER breaks a promise, and this one is rapidly coming to His intended time of fulfillment.  I’m going to email the EMF after the 1st of the year to tell him how sick it makes me to participate in excluding him, and how unhappy the mutual friends that he lives with are being made by this;  this time, he WILL reply.

Stay tuned.


Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 202 other followers