Archive for April, 2011

(4:03 AM)

When I asked God to fill me today, for the first time in several weeks, he immediately gave me a wave of goosebumps, so I knew He was there, but He didn’t go beyond that at first.  I was also thinking of my friend, wondering how he was doing with a difficult task he was working on, and I said his name out loud…  and God was suddenly there, in my lower abdomen with a force that was nearly physical, expanding up my torso into my diaphragm.  The feeling spread in a very diffuse form upwards from there, focusing somewhat in the center of my upper chest, but mainly it was in my lower diaphragm, as if it were pushing my lungs upward.  There was no discomfort or fear, but I was taking shallow panting breaths, so He may in fact have been affecting my lungs;  as always when my breathing responds to His presence, I felt no lack of oxygen.  

When the experience faded, I started asking Him to return…  but quickly realized that that was being greedy, and admitted that out loud, that my tendency was to be greedy for His attention and selfish about wanting to hold onto it.  When I said I was sorry, He was suddenly back, in the more usual way, filling me for a minute or so before withdrawing again.  Was it an acceptance of my apology, or reassurance that it was ok to want more from Him?  Either way, it was yet another example of His infinite patience and love.

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