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Archive for November, 2010

A good quote

(1:49 AM)

I’ve wondered many times about why God has so much love for me;  what have I done to earn this sort of love?  Today, I saw a quote that instantly rang true:

“God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.”

http://www.modernmom.com/blogs/erica-diamond/lessons-to-learn-from-life

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More help with finding

(6:11 AM)

I posted on 11-24 that God helped me find a surreally-hidden paper right after I asked for His help.  Today I was freaking out about a little gift item that had vanished from where it had last been.  I asked Him for help…  and almost instantly was drawn to its exact location, which was somewhere odd and hard to see, and where I’d swear I’d already looked, although obviously not in that one spot.  It’s overwhelming, almost eerie, how He’s willing to give immediate help like that.  I’m caught between not wanting to over-use this amazing gift and JO’s assertion that God wants to give us more than we ever dreamed.

I had a possible revelation;  that maybe He feels joy at giving and helping like I do, that thus by asking for His help I bring Him joy.  If so…  that’d be a BIG influence on how much I ask for.

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There was a paper I was going crazy trying to find;  I’d just seen it recently, laid carefully across the top of a pile to catch my eye and get handled.  But it had vanished in a recent searching frenzy.  I asked God to help me find it.  As I was wearily re-going through every piece of paper as I was putting it all back, I for whatever anal reason paused to shake a big envelope that contained instructions for a gadget, with the cool coincidence that the image perfectly lined up with the little window in the paper.  Except the image looked wrong…  and when I looked closer, it was the missing paper, which had somehow folded itself in half and gotten completely into the envelope, but not dropped down out of sight when it was shaken.  How’s that for fast response?  I wish I knew if I should stop asking for stuff when I get this sort of help or if JO is right and we should keep asking for more and more…  well, He knows that I’m trying to get it right and I’m sure He forgives my confusion.

You shouldn’t take a generous giver for granted and expect them to figure out what you might want and give it to you;  you should make the effort to ASK.  It finally occurred to me that the reason I wasn’t sleeping without waking up too early was that I hadn’t ASKED for that specific bit of help.  Last night I asked, and, despite being roused by THREE deliveries and once by a coughing fit I kept going back to sleep and finally woke up at 1:30 PM.  Again, such fast response that it’s almost eerie, and I’m deeply humbled that the ruler of the universe takes the time to fix my life so quickly.

I had a dream about my mother in which she was walking around without her walker or oxygen, and had apparently driven herself to where I was without any aides coming with her.  I noticed these things and thought that it was good that she’d gotten back to being independent;  I had zero thoughts that this couldn’t be right.  Objectively, this outcome shouldn’t be possible, but I’ll take it as a sign that she’ll be wildly exceeding all medical pronouncements about her condition.

Last night, when I was in bed but sure that I hadn’t dozed off yet, I got a brief but clear image of a critter in the feeding area; this time it was photographic and didn’t linger.  I certainly MIGHT have dozed without noticing and had a fast dream flash, and before I started getting the images behind closed eyelids that’s what I’d have assumed had happened, but I figure it’s best to keep a record of anything that might be part of what’s happening since it looks like God is answering my request to be able to see images and I’ll certainly want the whole story.

Edit:  my mother saw her doctor today, and this same man who was claiming that her life might be measured in WEEKS a couple of months ago said that she could have a year…  or 2…  or 3.  God strikes again;  that dream might well come true.

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Dilaxted pupils

I asked God to fill me today. When it didn’t happen, I asked Him to do it only for a minute, since that had worked before when I was overwrought and I think He didn’t want to over-stimulate me.  He DID fill me, with that blissful, heavy-but-uplifted feeling…  and when I looked in the mirror, I saw that my pupils were well dilaxted.  After He left me they slowly returned to normal.  Amazing.

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Throughout my life, I’ve always had a kind of…  extreme thought, and early on in my conversion I figured that God would want me to stop, so I did.  Today, I asked Him to help me with my creative flow, and a little of the wrong thought crept in…  and my flow wouldn’t gel.  I apologized to Him for the thought.  Later on, I tried the flow again…  with unusually strong results.  Clearly, my instinct was right;  He DID want me to stop those thoughts, and rewarded me when I refused to just give into their return and repented, if that word applies.

Edit 11-21:  I’m not sure if this is the right day for this, but it’s close…  I posted on 11-1 about having an image appear inside my closed eyelids for the first time EVER in my life, out of the blue and not connected to anything or because of any effort on my part.  It happened again, and then by the next morning I’d FORGOTTEN, and then last night I remembered, luckily, but can’t recall how many days ago it was;  it could have happened as late as the night of the 18th, such that this is the day I’d have posted about it, or it might have been a day or 2 before that.  This time it was brighter, vaguely purple-tinted, and it was the 3 critters again, and not static but moving around.  I could see their eyes clearly, as brighter circles in their masks. As before, just out of the blue.  A miracle.  Another wonderful gift from God.

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More guidance

Here’s a post I wrote in April and the update I just added to it;  I’m copying it here because I’m trying to keep God’s assistance in chronological order.

4-21:  God came through again today;  2 new high-$ work offers.  He also provided me with something I’d always wanted on a smokin’ sale;  nothing else there was on that big of a sale, and it just seems beyond coincidence that the one thing I wanted was on sale for so much less than usual, especially an item that seems too popular to ever go on a sale that major.  He continues to amaze me.

Edit 11-18:  I came across this post and was going out of my mind trying to remember what the item was;  sometimes I’m TOO obscure in the interests of no one I know being able to get any good search terms to find me. I asked God to help me figure out what it was.  He did, much to my gratitude.  He guided me to look at financial records to spot the purchase on 4-21.

It was a SHIRT.  One with battery-powered special effects.  It’s the coolest EVER.  The amazing thing was not just the extreme sale on this item but that I’d just gotten gift cards to that site.  Not a coincidence;  it IS still available at that price, but I’m positive I’d seen it at full price at various times before so the timing still counts.

Edit 11-20:  I finally remembered to come back and add:  there was a clothing item I wanted, and I had the thought, I’m pretty sure on this day, that I hoped a certain store would send another $10 off card and have a sale on the item so I could get it.  They DID send me a card.  I checked the ads…  and there the item was.  The TIMING!!  And, they had it in my size and color, as I discovered today (11-20) when I went to buy it. Amazing.

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Grief over Lutheranism

I felt the urge to look up Lutheranism today, and found this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lutheran#Characteristics

“The key doctrine, or material principle, of Lutheranism is the doctrine of justification. Lutherans believe that humans are saved from their sinsby God’s grace alone (Sola Gratia), through faith alone (Sola Fide). Lutherans believe that this grace is granted for the sake of Christ’s merit alone (Solus Christus). Orthodox Lutheran theology holds that God made the world, including humanity, perfect, holy and sinless. However,Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, trusting in their own strength, knowledge, and wisdom.[78][79] Consequently, people are saddled withoriginal sin, born sinful and unable to avoid committing sinful acts.[80] For Lutherans, original sin is the “chief sin, a root and fountainhead of all actual sins.”[81]

Lutherans teach that sinners, while capable of doing works that are outwardly “good,” are not capable of doing works that satisfy God’s justice.[82] Every human thought and deed is infected with sin and sinful motives.[83] Because of this, all humanity deserves eternal damnation in hell.[84] God in eternity has turned His Fatherly heart to this world and planned for its redemption because he loves all people and does not want anyone to be eternally damned.[85]

It seemed WRONG to me.  God does NOT see us all as sinners from birth, there’s no need for us to be saved, we CAN avoid being sinful, our every move is NOT “infected with sin,” no NO *NO*.  Beyond just totally disagreeing, which I’d do with most descriptions of doctrine, I felt GRIEF, as if I might weep.  This was the same puzzling deep kind of emotion I’ve had throughout life in reference to some religious references, except this time it was negative.

Message received;  God wants us to be good, to DO good, and not just have faith, and He does NOT see us all as sin-filled.

Also today:  I remembered literally 15 minutes or so before the deadline to fill out an elaborate form for a contest. Given that the # of entries is just double the # of prizes, I think I’m looking at another win.

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