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Archive for September 16th, 2010

Attitude adjustment

I was asking God today for more work because it had been a slow month…  and then stopped in my tracks.  Last month was HUGE financially, my biggest month EVER.  AND I got TWO gigantic revelations about Jesus.  And I got plenty of nice stuff.  And I was asking for MORE??!!!!!!  Like I’m entitled to get a steady stream of infinite rewards that I’ve done nothing to deserve, like I EXPECT that God will keep taking time from the other 7 billion people He takes care of to get ME a mountain of work EVERY month.  Shameful.  Appalling.  I’m sure He’s disappointed in me, and rightfully so.  I’m sorrier than I can say, but I make no excuses because there ARE none.  Yes, it’s human nature to translate even the highest level of being given to into expectation, but unlike the lower animals we can CHOOSE to supersede out natures, and that’s what we SHOULD do where God is concerned.

I’m just glad that I realized all this…  or, rather, GOD is likely responsible, and I’m certain that He wanted me to post about it because it came into my head to do so twice.

I totally believe JO’s repeated assertions that God is a God of increase, that He wants us to have more than we ever dreamed of, etc…  but that doesn’t mean that when there’s a lull in the miraculous gifting that it’s ok to ask for MORE because there was more last month, as if He were obligated to keep up with the highest level of His giving forever.  Disgraceful to even think that way for a single second.

The love of God is the biggest gift in the entire universe.  His closeness, His willingness to fill me with His presence, is beyond anything that anyone could ever receive.  If He never gave me another thing, I’d still be the luckiest person on this Earth.  That He DOES give to me, and keep on giving and giving, is awe-inspiring and humbling.  My attitude MUST at all times be one of wonder and gratitude, NOT one of comparison or record-keeping.  I WILL make this happen.  I have faith that God will help me.

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