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Archive for September 13th, 2010

Faith takes a hit

I had always felt certain that the terrible thing that brought me to God almost a year ago would eventually be fixed by Him;  the first thing that a skeptic would ask was if that specific thing had been fixed, because it seems so obvious that it would be if it was really God I’d been experiencing.  But it hasn’t been fixed.  And as the year “anniversary” of the event approaches, it finally occurred to me to say that if it’s not fixed by the time a year is up that it’s time to just let it go…  and this was followed by a sudden flood of the kinds of jobs the involved company had been the previous focus of and that I’d had so few of this year by comparison to the years when my account was squared away with them.  It sure looked like a reward for doing what God wants…  but WHY would he want me to give up rather than keep on with faith that He’d fix it as He easily could?

I dunno.  But it’s clear this is what He wants, so that’s what I’ll stick to my intention to do.  It seems like it’ll greatly hamper any future attempts to help guide people to God when the one thing they’d expect to be fixed hasn’t been…  so maybe that’s not part of what I’m supposed to do.  It surely means I can’t ever tell my roommate, which makes this whole God issue a permanent wall between us.  So, maybe that means that He doesn’t want me to ever tell my roommate;  so be it, then. His plan is by definition superior to any plan *I* could ever have;  He still might pull a rabbit out of the hat, of course, as he did recently when a filled quota suddenly opened up days later to allow me to do a higher-paying job, but either way it’s clear that He wants me to stop at the year mark and I will.  If He wants me to bring anyone to Him then He’ll provide me with something sufficiently impressive to show them…  and if conversion assistance isn’t in my future, although it seemed like it’d have to be given the depth of my involvement with Him, I accept that.

This was the 2nd-biggest thing I’ve ever had faith in;  I feel like my ability to feel faith isn’t damaged by it not happening, so that’s a big plus.

Edit 5-1-15:  God DID fix “the terrible thing,” just not on my timetable or in a way I had imagined.

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