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Archive for August, 2010

I posted on 6-21 that I’d won the raffle on a site I participate on THREE weeks in a row.  At that time, it filled my thoughts that I was certain to have a 4th win, and maybe more, so that the total value would be enough to get something really good;  that would seem crazy under most circumstances, but God has been so lavish with the wins that it felt perfectly reasonable and likely.  The raffle period ended without further wins, though… and also without the 3rd prize showing up.  After what was really a ridiculous wait the company came through to pay up what they owed…  but they seem to have not understood that only ONE reward of the 3 hadn’t come, because they sent THREE, thus giving me a total as if I’d won FIVE times.

Would you ever have imagined that any company could possibly mistakenly send me 3 prizes instead of 1?  1 instead of 3, absolutely, but the very idea of sending me 2 extras is too farfetched to ever enter anyone’s mind.  But it happened.  Even without my prior certainty of further prizes, that’d be pretty amazing, but when combined that’s clear evidence of God in my book.

I’m still limping forward with trying to make a connection to Jesus;  I don’t have a sense of him yet, but I’ll keep reaching out and I have no doubt that after all these years of trying to reach me he’ll make it happen when the time is right.

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Jesus… IS

I don’t know how else to say it.

I was checking the referral tracking on my other blog.  Someone came via a search term that ended with “nearest subject to your heart,” and, as is often the case where the term isn’t in quotes, Google found a page with the words there but not together.  The sentence where one of the other words appeared as quoted in the research results intrigued me, because I couldn’t guess what the post had been about.  I looked it up, and…

…  it was a religious dream from 5 years ago, wherein I saw God “create” Jesus and the latter then “saved” me from where I was…  stranded.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dream overall was perhaps the most graphic depiction of my life of how at some level I knew that God was real, but the main player, and the one who interacted with me, was Jesus, and the question of his existence could certainly qualify as the “nearest subject to [my] heart,” in fact I’ve even started reciting the born-again prayer at the end of JO’s sermons, and have been almost obsessively looking at crosses on eBay…  I haven’t been agonizing over it, but it’s been a strong undercurrent and, with the existence of God conclusively proven, it IS the biggest issue even though it’s not the one I focus the most on…

I need to stop over-analyzing.  I got a stunningly specific message that pointed to a dream that overwhelmed me even at my most skeptical, a dream that shows Jesus rescuing me, and then me leaning on him for support, even though nothing in that dream post or any other on that page actually connected to what the searcher was hoping to find, there was just that one odd and totally non-religious word…..

I think I have to accept that Jesus is real.  This is gigantic, literally the 2nd-biggest thing in my entire life.  I’ll post more once I have something coherent to say.


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My roommate misplaced a valuable item that we now need on an emergency basis.  I’ve been literally taking apart every bit of our extensive storage piece by piece.  I’m down to the last chunk.  This isn’t a case where God would have to influence anyone’s behavior or the way a computer is programmed to help me;  all He has to do is make sure I don’t miss the damned thing’s hiding place.  My mind keeps trying to come up with excuses as to why I might validly not find it, but the simple truth is that with God’s help I of course WOULD find it.  Will He help?  He’s neither required not obligated, and I know He won’t always help, for the same reason He won’t give me all my heart’s desires.  But I have FAITH.  My faith isn’t always rewarded, but that doesn’t change anything.  He came through for me earlier in the week when I accomplished the seemingly impossible, and I have FAITH that He WILL guide me to that missing item tomorrow.

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My terrible thing still isn’t handled;  I’ve sent so many emails now that I’m almost getting embarrassed.

The new friend I’ve hoped to make remains friendly but hasn’t picked up the phone and called me yet…  and I’m almost getting embarrassed there too, because it’s making me look like a beggar although I very carefully haven’t called more than once a week.

The job issue that looked like it was finally squared away has tanked again.

We had a serious computer issue that my roommate spent literally all day looking for the pricey discs necessary to fix it without finding them.

And, we’ve had a big unexpected expense drop on us.

So, not so good with responses to faith the last few days…  but that just means that I must focus HARDER on faith, because after all if blessings are falling all around me that’s not much of a test of my faith, in fact it’s not faith in the purest sense at all.  So:

I have FAITH that the terrible issue that brought me to God WILL soon be resolved in my favor.

I have FAITH that the new woman WILL become a friend.

I have FAITH that the job issue will be resolved in my favor.

I have FAITH that my roommate will find those discs quickly, get the PC working, and get the data off the dead hard drive.

I have FAITH that God will bring us a shower of high-paying work to cover the new expense.

Now, I know that God won’t give me everything, for the obvious and totally valid reasons…  but that won’t matter, because I’ll still have His love, caring, help, and blessings.  His focus on me is, and will always be, the biggest and best possible gift that has ever existed on this Earth, and when I have that, how much can these other things really matter?

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The volume on the TV had started randomly dropping way down;  turning it off and on fixed it.  When it happened several times within a few minutes, plus lines had also appeared along the bottom of the screen, I dragged my roommate into it.  He slogged through menus and settings without finding anything.  I told him to push all the plugs/connectors firmly in on all the components of the system.  He said he already had.  I replied that he couldn’t have, since it was a big deal to access the rear of the VCR (through which the TV signal runs) and I hadn’t seen him do that.  His patronizing reply was that, since turning the VCR on and off didn’t change anything, and turning the TV on and off DID, the problem couldn’t be with the VCR, so he wasn’t going to mess with it.

As he continued floundering around, I prayed under my breath for God to guide him to the solution so we wouldn’t have to pay a fortune for repairs.

A couple of minutes later, the sound shot back up.

I asked my roommate what he had done to fix it.  He replied that he had bumped the VCR.  I crowed in triumph.  He didn’t want to admit that that was it, but toggling back and forth with the remote proved it. I demanded that he drag the VCR out and push in the plugs as previously requested.  H grudgingly did so…  and the volume went up the rest of the way and the lines vanished.  He was, and still is, astounded, because his 2 “proofs” of non-VCR involvement do seem like iron-clad logic.  He seriously insists that “magic” must have been involved.

Indeed.

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More obvious help

1)  A very high paying job with very picky requirements that I got (and when they talked to me on the phone I had to blindly guess at what they wanted to hear)

2)  Another job, well-paying and quick, also with very picky requirements, that I got (guesswork was involved here, too)

3)  A spectacular, highly unusual item that my roommate revealed yesterday that he’d seen on a great sale a week ago and failed to get, that he came home with today…  it was the LAST one, still on sale, and NOT a return

4)  Our fave critter brought her babies for a lengthy visit, and this time we got lots of footage

5)  A cool prize that they were only partially honest about what they were looking for to qualify, and I guessed right again and got it…  with a further prize to come later, it turns out

6)  Another job that NONE of the usual pool of participants got but ME…  last time DOZENS got it, and it’s just unimaginable that only I got it but it’s true.  I don’t just mean no one else will be DOING it, I mean no one else was even OFFERED;  a Google search confirmed it.  Because of the nature of this job they HAVE to have other people before they can start it up, so…  it’s as if it happened just to alert me, like some freaky system misfire led to only me being contacted.

He’s letting me know He’s here.  I’m so grateful.  So lucky.  So eager to see what comes next…

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