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Archive for July, 2010

“Now faith”

JO’s sermon today focused on the idea that you need to ask God to act on your behalf TODAY, to send favor TODAY, to answer your prayers TODAY. It’s not enough to have faith that God will help us in the future, we must believe that He will help us NOW, and must believe that every day, and ASK Him for that help every day.

JO listed many things that people might ask for, all circling around $ or health issues…  but then he tossed out one that sat me right up:  “Today will be the day I meet a new friend.”  And today was the 1st day I spoke on the phone to the woman I just met that I think God wants me to be friends with.

JO said to ask for the things we want TODAY, believe we’ll get them TODAY, and keep believing it  every day whether we get those things or not.  I’m going to start doing that.

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I have asked God many times to bring me a friend.  Someone who lives close enough to me that phone calls between us would be free, and seeing each other could be closer to a matter of whim than a matter of serious planning.  Someone who’d be available to talk to me on something resembling a regular basis.  Someone who’d be interested enough in me that we could have enough contact to be part of each other’s day-to-day lives.

Today I had a high-paying job;  I was one of, it turned out, 8 people brought in to get it done, people hired from throughout the county.  I was 10 minutes early…  and so was another woman.  I started talking to her.  I discovered that she lives a MILE from me.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She used to live IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD, and still owns that home.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We chatted, and seemed to be making some contact;  I can’t always judge that accurately, though, because sometimes people seem very animated and involved with me and then it’s like a spell breaks and suddenly they’re a mile away, socially speaking.  We were herded down a hallway and brought to the room we’d be working in.  I made myself stop talking and walk in, going towards the far end of the room.  Would she follow me, or take advantage of my back being turned and my mouth being shut to break away and settle down out of my “reach”?

She sat next to me!!!!

We seemed to be steadily making more of a connection when the flow of work allowed us to speak.  When our time was up, we were still talking, and I was wondering if it was possible that she’d ask for my # rather than me having to be the pursuer.  She said that next time we should carpool… which sure sounded to me like a feeler about keeping in touch, so I suggested a # swap, she agreed, and we chatted all the way into the parking lot…  and discovered that we both work from home, in other words that we’re both alone and at least semi-available all day every day!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and did I mention that she totally did NOT have the qualifications the rest of us had for this job, and so shouldn’t even have been there?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s true!!  She made a point of saying so after we all did our introductions, although it was quite obvious;  the recruiter had mentioned what a desperate time they were having finding people who fit a very narrow profile, and they obviously had to more or less grab a warm body with a little bit of overlap at the last minute.  Why HER?  Why do you think?!!

You couldn’t put all that in a book or a movie;  it’s too many freaky “coincidences,” it’s too perfect of a setup to make the “right” kind of friend, the kind I’m desperate for, and even better in terms of location and availability than it had occurred to me to have as even a wild hope.  There’s no doubt about it;  God brought me and this woman together.

Is she meant to be in my life briefly, to answer a question and then vanish like my friendship-site buddy, or will she be the real thing?  Given that, unlike with him, the age, gender and LOCATION (!!!) are right for a convenient relationship, I think it’s the latter.

I HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL GUIDE ME INTO BECOMING SOLID FRIENDS WITH THIS WOMAN.

And another freaky friendship thing:  There was a woman who I seemed to be becoming friends with a few years ago, but things got weird, due I think to both of us stumbling over when not to push, be blunt or blurt out things rather than take the longer and friendship-friendly view.  She lives a BLOCK from me, so it would’ve been good to have maintained the friendship just to have someone close by;  I was less alone then than I am now, though, less willing to just gloss over friction in the name of having someone to talk to or spend time with.

Today, I received a gift card for some game I never heard of.

While writing this post I looked up the old friend’s name;  the urge just came to me and I ran with it.

I clicked the social website link that came up.  It wasn’t her.  This other woman with her unusual name had almost nothing on her page.  She did have a short list of things that she liked.  First on the list was THAT GAME.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have sent her an email.  How could I not?  With all the friendship-related coincidences already today…  could this really be yet another sign?  It seems like it must be, but I’m so bleary-eyed now that I just need to get this posted and get to bed.

The next few days will be VERY interesting.

Edit 7-13-14:  Four years later…  I AM pretty solid friends with that woman, but it just fell into place over the last couple of months.  God comes through, but in His time, which by definition is the best time.

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Faith… reward?

I had faith that I’d get a certain job.  It looked like there were signs.  I found out today that I didn’t get it because there has to be a certain # of days between jobs for them.  Could God have somehow fixed that?  Of course.  But wiping memories and computers to get me one more job would be way beyond anything I’d expect Him to do, nor should He be expected to do any such ridiculous thing.

My faith is unaltered.  They said there would be more jobs for me, and I have faith that once the gap time has elapsed I’ll get one.

I got a different job offer for 50% more $ today instead.  From a different company that ALSO has a gap requirement, and for whom I’m already doing a job later this week, but I’m not showing in their system for some reason, so when they looked me up they didn’t see that they’ll be paying me twice in one week.  HOW is the job I’m already signed up to do not in the system?  WHY would their system not show me as already signed up?  Why didn’t they ASK if I was already signed up for anything?  Is it just a flaw in how data is shared in their system, or…  did I get helped?

It’s possible that someone will figure out that I’m scheduled for 2 this week;  I have faith that this won’t happen.

And here’s the almost eerie one:  I went to my room to look for something that I hadn’t seen in a few days.  It wasn’t where I expected it to be.  I did a search of the expected storage area;  nothing.  I ran out to check in another room;  nothing.  I sprinted back to my room…  and it was laying on the bed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bizarre reappearances like that have happened now and then since my teens, although much more frequently then than now.  Why would just an occasional thing be returned to me this way?  Or…  a better question, since too many things being returned would provide the sort of extreme proof of “other powers” that said powers are understandably unwilling to provide, would be;  was it always God doing it, or…  was it otherworldly helpers/pranksters who are now clearly still hanging around?

Was this “finding” a reward, or a generous whim, or not God at all?  

I have faith that He will make all this clear to me in His timing.

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My favorite wild animal came to visit tonight.  She was ravenous, and quickly ate the food that was out;  she’d been so brave about having me very close to her that I though I’d try carefully opening the screen door enough to toss out some more food.  The problem was that the door has gotten warped over the past couple of months such that there’s been a big gap between the upper half of the door and the frame, and it takes some real effort, lifting and twisting and pushing/pulling, to get it fully open and closed, and it’s a noisy process. I didn’t ask God for help, although obviously I should have (it never entered my mind, which shows how slow my brain is to fully grasp the whole God concept, sigh), but He had clearly planned to assist both me and the hungry critter, because when I made my first tentative attempt to open the door it moved easily and soundlessly!!!!!  The gap had apparently vanished the last time it was closed, so it hadn’t been jammed in there like we’d been having to do it;  I guess whoever closed it hadn’t consciously realized that it wasn’t gaping any more but still didn’t do the forced closure…  or maybe it was something even more miraculous.

I was not only able to feed my animal friend but to hand feed her, and several magical times she felt over my hand with her paw, presumably trying to figure me out… or make a connection with me?  I’m passionate about all beautiful creatures, and this experience was one of my best EVER.

And, the door seems to be, not fixed in the sense of being a properly hung screen door which it never was, but fixed in the sense that it now closes fully without the struggle, so this wasn’t some one-time thing that might be explained away by a determined enough skeptic.

All of that without my ever asking for help.

I have faith…  I have faith…  I have faith…

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I got an email today that hinted that I might get a high-paying job.  I also got a phone call for another high-payer that they had to pause the call and do some other kind of decision-making about TWICE.  Each time they made me wait I said that I had faith that God would get me the job.  I said the same thing about the job email.  I also said that I have faith that God will help me successfully form a tight bond with a man I want to befriend, because my well-intentioned other friend was kept from getting between me and him by an illness that hit her at exactly the wrong time, AND because she wasn’t able to persuade her husband to go and join us although he really would have wanted to be there.  Since in each case I wasn’t having faith in a vacuum but because of a strong hint that God was involved, I was expressing puzzlement that I in essence wasn’t getting to create faith just from, well, FAITH, because I kept getting such glaring hints…  and then it FINALLY hit me that this is NOT a coincidence, that God is sending me a steady stream of events where He gives me a clear indication of His plan IN ORDER TO TEACH ME TO HAVE FAITH.

How STUPID of me not to have seen it sooner!!  How it must frustrate Him to have to show me things over and over before I see what’s going on!!  Well, at least I do see it now, and it shows His desire for me to have faith and His willingness to answer my pleas for Him to help me to have faith…  full and absolute faith, which I will work my way to no matter what it takes.

I’m going to send an email to the CEO of the company responsible for the terrible thing now.  Part of me still has doubts and fears about this, that it could be that I’ve over-convinced myself that I know the will of God and that the email will fail and I’ll have to deal with my fragile faith being wounded.  The central thing to remember here is that God has given me countless gifts, most importantly His presence in my life, and that if it is His will that I have my hopes dashed as part of learning to have faith I’ll still come out WAY ahead. And, through sheer force of will if necessary, I will continue to have faith.

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Today I received a lovely bunch of goodies that were a prize from something I entered in December that was supposed to have been sent out almost 3 months ago… from a company I’d entered with many times but never won anything from.  Because it was the 1st X # of entries that would win, I had a pretty good chance, I’d thought at the time, but of course I’d thought that before and been wrong…  anyways, getting it, and with this timing, is still notable.

I’ve had a further revelation about why God didn’t fix the terrible thing 8 months ago when I first asked, or any time since them;  it’s not just that He would have fixed this before if I’d shown faith, He had a PLAN, He was using this serious issue as a tool to LEAD me faith, and it took all this time to approach resolution because it took ME all this time to turn it over to Him and have faith. He has probably grieved over my lack of insight, but He was RIGHT to hold out from helping me until I saw the light, because I HAD to learn this, and if He fixed this without my having achieved faith He’d just have to hold back from fixing some other major problem, so this was the right way… no surprise there.

The insight I had on 4-5 was about  a week before I got the only email back I ever got from any of this company’s execs.  I’m still stunned that the woman took the time to write but not to actually fix things;  now, though, I think that if I’d shown the faith I SHOULD have based on that insight this woman who was already showing willingness to act would have fixed it.  100% my fault that it wasn’t all handled then.  God nearly spoon-fed it to me and I missed it. His patience must indeed be infinite, luckily for me.

Another bit of help:  I should absolutely have written to thank a friend yesterday, but somehow my mind kept veering off from it.  Tonight, I saw something eye-popping that I know will light him up, and was able to include that in the email I was  instantly inspired to write. This is someone I very much want to get closer to, and who I’m just making the first real friendship progress with, and to have this opening to have more conversation with him is FAB.  Guess who set me up to find the info and THEN do the email?

AND:  Crucial to getting closer to this man is to be able to see him withOUT our mutual friend being in the middle.  I discovered right after I sent out his email that she had found out about our social occasion and had PLANNED to show up, but suddenly got sick and was stuck in bed.  What are the CHANCES that she’d suddenly get so sick that she couldn’t come?  I don’t think that God made her sick out of thin air to help me, but I DO think that He altered the timing of an illness that was already in the works to allow me access to the new friend without her in essence interfering.

I was pleased but a little puzzled about how much the new friend seemed to have leapt forward in affection for me at our recent get-together;  now that I see clear evidence of God’s involvement it makes perfect sense.

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4 days ago, I posted about how my battle against the terrible thing that happened 8 months ago had reached the point where there was almost no chance that it could be fixed, because I’d emailed the CEO of the company and he had neither replied nor, as far as I could tell, since nothing had happened, taken action.  I decided to finally take a leap of faith and believe that God would somehow fix this for me.

Today, the first business day since then, I received proof that the CEO HAS taken action.  More will have to be done to actually fix the issue, and this bit of progress also got made months ago by a lower executive but was never followed through with despite my strenuous efforts, so objectively this isn’t a done deal…  but I’m NOT objective, I have FAITH, and I’ll say it again:

I HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL FIX THINGS WITH THAT COMPANY AND RESTORE  THAT INCOME STREAM.

He hasn’t gone this far just to taunt me and then take it back.  I think he was waiting for me to take the leap of faith, and now that I have He is giving me the help that He’d have probably given me long ago if I’d had faith that He WOULD do it instead of asking Him TO do it.  (Another BIG revelation there!!)

I’m new to faith, especially to what a skeptic would probably call blind faith, but I’m catching on fast.  He does so much for me, and faith is all He appears to want in return;  how could I deny Him that?  WHY would I, as it seems increasingly clear that that’s the path that gets the best results?  (It’s of course crucial that I NOT work on faith just to get stuff, but I can’t pretend that I don’t see the connection;  He can’t be fooled.)  Why would I deny Him anything under any circumstances, just from a common sense standpoint?

I WANT to give Him whatever He wants just because He wants it, out of gratitude and love.  I WILL give it to Him, as fast as I can sort it out.  I WILL reach total faith, the ability to feel faith about every issue even knowing that I WON’T get everything I believe He’ll give me.  I WILL.

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