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Archive for July 8th, 2010

I got an email today that hinted that I might get a high-paying job.  I also got a phone call for another high-payer that they had to pause the call and do some other kind of decision-making about TWICE.  Each time they made me wait I said that I had faith that God would get me the job.  I said the same thing about the job email.  I also said that I have faith that God will help me successfully form a tight bond with a man I want to befriend, because my well-intentioned other friend was kept from getting between me and him by an illness that hit her at exactly the wrong time, AND because she wasn’t able to persuade her husband to go and join us although he really would have wanted to be there.  Since in each case I wasn’t having faith in a vacuum but because of a strong hint that God was involved, I was expressing puzzlement that I in essence wasn’t getting to create faith just from, well, FAITH, because I kept getting such glaring hints…  and then it FINALLY hit me that this is NOT a coincidence, that God is sending me a steady stream of events where He gives me a clear indication of His plan IN ORDER TO TEACH ME TO HAVE FAITH.

How STUPID of me not to have seen it sooner!!  How it must frustrate Him to have to show me things over and over before I see what’s going on!!  Well, at least I do see it now, and it shows His desire for me to have faith and His willingness to answer my pleas for Him to help me to have faith…  full and absolute faith, which I will work my way to no matter what it takes.

I’m going to send an email to the CEO of the company responsible for the terrible thing now.  Part of me still has doubts and fears about this, that it could be that I’ve over-convinced myself that I know the will of God and that the email will fail and I’ll have to deal with my fragile faith being wounded.  The central thing to remember here is that God has given me countless gifts, most importantly His presence in my life, and that if it is His will that I have my hopes dashed as part of learning to have faith I’ll still come out WAY ahead. And, through sheer force of will if necessary, I will continue to have faith.

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Today I received a lovely bunch of goodies that were a prize from something I entered in December that was supposed to have been sent out almost 3 months ago… from a company I’d entered with many times but never won anything from.  Because it was the 1st X # of entries that would win, I had a pretty good chance, I’d thought at the time, but of course I’d thought that before and been wrong…  anyways, getting it, and with this timing, is still notable.

I’ve had a further revelation about why God didn’t fix the terrible thing 8 months ago when I first asked, or any time since them;  it’s not just that He would have fixed this before if I’d shown faith, He had a PLAN, He was using this serious issue as a tool to LEAD me faith, and it took all this time to approach resolution because it took ME all this time to turn it over to Him and have faith. He has probably grieved over my lack of insight, but He was RIGHT to hold out from helping me until I saw the light, because I HAD to learn this, and if He fixed this without my having achieved faith He’d just have to hold back from fixing some other major problem, so this was the right way… no surprise there.

The insight I had on 4-5 was about  a week before I got the only email back I ever got from any of this company’s execs.  I’m still stunned that the woman took the time to write but not to actually fix things;  now, though, I think that if I’d shown the faith I SHOULD have based on that insight this woman who was already showing willingness to act would have fixed it.  100% my fault that it wasn’t all handled then.  God nearly spoon-fed it to me and I missed it. His patience must indeed be infinite, luckily for me.

Another bit of help:  I should absolutely have written to thank a friend yesterday, but somehow my mind kept veering off from it.  Tonight, I saw something eye-popping that I know will light him up, and was able to include that in the email I was  instantly inspired to write. This is someone I very much want to get closer to, and who I’m just making the first real friendship progress with, and to have this opening to have more conversation with him is FAB.  Guess who set me up to find the info and THEN do the email?

AND:  Crucial to getting closer to this man is to be able to see him withOUT our mutual friend being in the middle.  I discovered right after I sent out his email that she had found out about our social occasion and had PLANNED to show up, but suddenly got sick and was stuck in bed.  What are the CHANCES that she’d suddenly get so sick that she couldn’t come?  I don’t think that God made her sick out of thin air to help me, but I DO think that He altered the timing of an illness that was already in the works to allow me access to the new friend without her in essence interfering.

I was pleased but a little puzzled about how much the new friend seemed to have leapt forward in affection for me at our recent get-together;  now that I see clear evidence of God’s involvement it makes perfect sense.

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