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Archive for March 27th, 2010

This is something that happened at the end of last week;  I didn’t post about it then because I lean towards NOT assuming that everything is a message from God, which granted conflicts with my repeated requests to Him to send me more insights into His will and nature, and I just wasn’t able to accept that He’d tell me something this big.  I tried to dismiss it, but it’s started coming into my mind over and over, which is more likely to be just a neurotic need to be sure I don’t dismiss an “official message” than God nudging me to accept it, although I’m not feeling any explicit concern about it…  in either case I figure it’s best to just post it and be done with it.

Last Thursday, I revealed to a religious friend that God has entered my life.  She was thrilled for me, but unfortunately felt it necessary to try and tell me what I “had to” start doing and believing as a result.  I had to be very blunt and vehement with her;  I believe what God tells and shows me and nothing more, and I’ll do whatever he asks of me and nothing more… He’s perfectly willing to tell me to start a blog or call a friend, so it seems reasonable to me that if He wanted me to start worshipping Jesus, reading the Bible or going to church He’d say so.  She also wanted to lecture me on religion, with the best of intentions certainly, but again I had to be very firm and make clear that I’m NOT buying into her specific belief system, or anyone else’s, unless God instructs me to do so.

The next day, the idea of what belief system I should be adopting was still running through my mind;  I WANT to find a “true religion” if one exists, because this would give me a great deal of information and also an appropriate structure for dealing with the Almighty, but at this point I have no way of even guessing who’s got The Truth.  As I often do when I’m processing an idea, I imagined myself to be talking to someone about it;  I had the vague mental vision of being confronted by a group of religious types and giving my speech about why I wasn’t going to fall in line with their beliefs:

“I’m not going to blindly pick a religion just because I now know that God exists.  Why should I accept YOUR beliefs without verification from God that they’re the right ones? How do I know if your religion portrays The Truth?  How do I know if ANY of the religions portray The Truth”

{they don’t}

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There it was, 2 quiet words dropped into my train of thought, just as has happened before.  It stopped me in my tracks…  but I immediately started doubting that this could be the real thing, because it’s not possible that God would give me such a gargantuan insight like that…  is it?

I’ve accepted every other time this has happened that it WAS God communicating with me, but He hadn’t previously inserted an answer like that into a speculation…  am I being ridiculous if I believe it was God or ridiculous if I don’t?

{don’t}

That came into my head after I wrote the previous line.  My first thought was that that was my verification, followed by “but what if He means “don’t believe it”?”…  but wouldn’t He be more likely to say something more clearly indicating that I’d wrongly assumed it was Him than telling me not to BELIEVE it was Him?  Or was the word just… an echo?  I’m gonna be spinning around and around trying to sort this out…

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